come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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