It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
