after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Are we still banned from the library?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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