how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
