I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
