I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
