it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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