I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
