dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He passed out mid-signature
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
