the condom got lost in my hair
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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