porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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