When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
