My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
