wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there was a trapeze. enough said
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
