How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there's paper in my vomit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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