I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
