I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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