Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
FUCK WHALES
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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