I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
