and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
