he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
