its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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