I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
