You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
