When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
