first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
