My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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