OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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