no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
