I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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