Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
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