fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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