Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
