Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
