Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
