i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
