i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
