I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
