Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
