i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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