I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
