ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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