She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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