my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
