She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
