I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
