it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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