he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pants are for mortals
I'm too high and old for this...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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