The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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