I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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