i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
