every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
