Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
