i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
