I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
