Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
