Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
