funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
