Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
