tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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