I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
