but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
