Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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