Got a toothbrush?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
