Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
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