Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
